I Want to Remember

We leave for Minnesota tomorrow.  It's rare that we get a long weekend trip in this days. I'm pretty stoked.

I'm sitting amongst two loads of last minute laundry.  The house is in relative shambles, Ian's muttering Mandarin on the couch next to me (ok, learning in earnest but trying to be quiet so it sounds like muttering).  It's pretty quiet.  I'm reflecting.

This past week has been incredible.  I have wanted a week like this for forever.  

This week I stopped being afraid (and I'm pretty sure my supplement finally kicked in to boot).  I feel like the best version of who I am right now.  

I've embraced mornings with my little guy.  We usually run an errand or do a household chore, then it's off to a tiny tot park, just for him.  He squeals with glee as he runs wherever he wants.  I watch in wonder remembering 4+ years ago when I was in the same place with just Ainsley, then 3 years ago with just Louise.  This incredible circle of life, I feel so grateful to witness.

After preschool pick ups and lunch and rest time and kindergarten pick up I am usually bushed.  It's so hard to scrape myself off the ground at 3pm, perk up for my big girl who is just getting her first taste of me for the day, and have some fun.  There's been so much survival in those hours for me, really since Felix was born, to thrive and soar from 3-5, feels nothing short of miraculous.

Yesterday we biked up to a park we hadn't been to in ages.  Usually the three go their separate ways and I stick with Felix, making sure he doesn't toddle too high or too far.  The girls settled under a tree to do some "work" they brought.  I watched them run and giggle and come back to their pages on their clipboards.  I let them go a bit far from my sight, knowing that with each other they were safe.  Then Felix and I found them and we all frolicked.  At one point Louise tumbled to the ground, flopped onto her back and stared up at the clouds with her hands behind her head.  Felix and I joined her while Ainsley ran about collecting crab apples and fallen leaves.  I sunk back into childhood for a moment with them, remembering cloud gazing and carefree afternoons.  It's a moment I'll hold with me forever.

That evening I rejoined our neighborhood book club.  Pure exhaustion and anxiety had gotten in the way of my attendance since Louise has been born.  I so enjoyed it, am so excited to be back.

Today was almost better.  After picking Ainsley up we walked to the library, picked out movies for our road trip and board books for Felix, my new book club book too.  The girls colored tons of coloring sheets.  Felix wandered and played.  We headed home, grabbed a snack and drove to one of our favorite north side parks and played for over and hour.  I love parks with green space, lots of room to run and play.  This park has an amazing spider web and climbing walls.  They are all in heaven there.  As much as I love being home with my kids getting out on these gorgeous fall days has been good for my soul.

I want to remember this feeling, of capability and calm and hope and fun after so many months of hard.

I hope you all have had a wonderful week.  I'm excited to share our Minnesota adventures when we return!