To Ainsley May on your Third Birthday

Dear Sweet Ainsley Girl,

I wanted you from the day I was born.  I practiced and planned for you for hours and weeks and years.  Never in my wildest most delicious and wonderful dreams, could I have imagined you.

You are everything that I wanted and over the top more.  You didn't just make me a mama, you changed me, molded me into the best person that I could be.  You tested my strength, my mind and my resolve and I grow every day because of you.

You have not been easy, but what baby is?  Looking back I know now who you were from the start, Your strong solid voice ringing out loud and clear.  You are you, and you have been all along.  Effervescent and curious and able and willing.  I couldn't possibly love you more.

And now you are three and this seems impossible.  Not because time has gone so fast but because you have grown so and when I look back and remember you as a baby, a tyke, I see those striking bold eyes and I remember like it was yesterday.

Already I bore you with stories of your baby years, hours spent rocking and swaying, nursing and playing.  For those days are now more precious to me than ever.  Once you learned how those little legs worked they have not sat still for a moment and I cherish those days when you needed me so.

Though really now my sweet bug?  I need you.  You make me whole and strong and complete.  For even when I raise my voice in distress and frustration and even when we butt heads and opinions over and over I love you to the moon and back.  But you know that, because I tell you until you smile at me with your big brown eyes and say "i yuv you too mama".

For all of our butting and loudness and will, we have such a bond us two.  And now that you're three we play you and I, we talk like good friends and mama's and daughters and hold hands and skip and the world is ours.

Well, really, it's yours my bug.  Because from the moment I locked eyes on you I felt something that I've never known before, and no, not just that new mama unconditional love (but that was there too).  No, I knew that you were someone special, unique and challenging and ultimately a light in this sometimes dark world.  I pray every day that you grow to see your potential, that the beaming spark in you never fades, and that you never lose that loud strong voice.  It will serve you so well my bug.

You are my world Ainsley May.  And this world is better because of you.  Today, on your third birthday I know that more than ever before.  And tomorrow my bug?  The world will be better still, for you are here and loud and strong and free.  For that I will always rejoice.  Happy Birthday my sweet Ainsley girl!