FIRST STEPS! and time management

Little dumpling took her first steps last night. Teetering and diving into my arms from a steady clapping stand she put one foot in front of the other once, twice FALL over and over. She never whimpered or lost her motivation. I kept standing her back up and she kept moving forward. I loved every second, for the milestone sure, but to see the pure pride and joy on her face. She knew she was doing something pretty awesome. We concurred.

This morning amongst practicing Louise's new moves, we've been pretty busy. Bread was gone so we made some more. Ainsley helped me knead and punch and even baked her own play dough loaf that I'm pretty sure is still "rising" in the buffet cupboard. Then while Louise napped (a rarity in the mornings now for her) I unleashed a painting project for Ainsley, an adorable Melissa and Doug kit she got from friends at Louise's party. She painted for at LEAST an hour, carefully dotting and mixing colors. I was so proud of her meticulousness AND it gave me some time to scour some and plan some new crafts, but more on that obsession later.

Once Louise rose we cleaned up and moved forward with the morning. I have been so antsy to get some new current photos of the girls. I think getting NO good ones from Louise's birthday has prompted me to re-do and get some winners. So I got the girls all gussied up and we skipped up to the park while our bread baked (meaning we had a half hour TOPS for our photo shoot). I brought some "props" hoping to catch the girls in a natural play moment. We quickly revamped when we found an amazing tree. Ainsley climbed and jumped while Louise stood and clapped. I'm happy to say I got a few keepers and if nothing else it's always so fun to snap my girls being themselves.

We rushed home to the waft of fresh bread swarming our house. The loaves were divine, perfectly brown and plump. Mmmm. Then Ainsley changed, I strapped them in the wagon and we mosied up to the small branch library mere blocks from our home. It's been a while since we've been. Hot sunny summer days don't seem library compatible. Oh how we've missed the library. Ainsley found the Minnie Mouse doll as always and happily mothered her while Louise and I scoured for new books. We found a few old favorites and some new ones to latch on to. It was a fun easy trip.

We ate fresh bread PB&Js, desserted with farmers market peaches, juice gushing everywhere. We cleaned, snuggled, read our new finds and the girls slept well.

Pretty perfect right? Well except for the new agonizing that inevitably occurs with each nap afternoon. I must start by saying how thankful I am that I have good nappers, that most days I have at least 2 hours to myself to do what I will with. But what to do? Here lies my conundrum.

I am 90% of the time too tired to do anything physical. While I would LOVE to use this time to exercise I just have the hardest time motivating. Then there's the projects. At any given moment I have two knitting projects and about 3 sewing projects in the works. Which one? How to choose? And let's not even think about reading. All that does is put me to sleep these days. I read two books while in MN and it's the first time I've finished a novel in months. Then there's of course blogging, internet searching for new ideas for the girls and myself and of course the no fun but very necessary cleaning and picking up that needs to get done. By the time I've tidied, checked email and settled on an activity I only have a little time before the girls wake up. So lately I've ended up with a knitting project on my lap zoning out to an episode of house hunters international or some design show, pretty much WASTING nap time.

Right now this is the most frustrating aspect of my stay at home mom job. I have so little time to myself, AWAY from my girls. When I do have time I am paralyzed by the bizarre freedom. I need help, I need motivation! I'm hoping this is just a crash period of life and once we get into our new fall schedule next week things will come together.

I am at this bizarre crossroad. Two toddlers in the house, no baby (and none on the way any time soon). I have been so used to being in transition mode that it feels weird to just be HERE. I think I've sometimes used the transitions as a bit of a crutch, excusing why things aren't done around the house that should be or that I'm not where I want to be physically and productively. It's all a fine balance I know, between having the energy to be the mom that I want to be and the personal time to be someone OTHER than a mom. It's tricky and will continue to be tricky I'm sure.

Today I'm thankful for new cute photos of my girls. For hot end of summer days and fall right around the corner. Today I'm thankful for these last days, quiet and meandering with my girls before the hustle and bustle kicks into full gear. Today I am determined to remember today and keep a little of this laze and calm in our everyday, because it's pretty great. Happy Thursday!

::typical post lunch debauchery::