Some Thoughts

Disclaimer: Please don't judge me for the ranting to follow. I'm only human.

So...Ainsley is napping, good girl, and I've had a few things on my mind lately that I need to vent about. True, I should be doing any number or things on my to do list to get ready to leave for Big Sky in two days, but I have my priorities.

I am feeling a bit miffed at the moment. While for the most part I have enjoyed the little blogging that I do and reading other new mom's thoughts, every once in a while I come across something that I have a very strong, and negative reaction to. Here comes the venting.

While pre-Ainsley I was completely opposed to gushing about the wonder of your child I understand now the pride that every parent feels for their child and their whole hearted belief that their child/children are the best, brightest, and most loved. I still hold strongly that these opinions should be mostly kept to oneself because as every parent (hopefully) feels this way about their children it would make sense that sharing this with every other parent would become problematic. I've learned to accept that there are some parents that just can't help but relate every little accomplishment but there is one thing I am VERY sensitive about and don't feel that I tolerate well at all: Ainsley's temperament.

If you haven't met Ainsley let me break it down for you as briefly as I can. Before Ainsley was even born I knew we were going to be dealing with a cantankerous child. After she was born, and I mean immediately, my hunch was confirmed. When I was put on bedrest assured that I would have Ainsley weeks early the midwife checking me each week was amazed that she hadn't come yet saying, "just wait, this one knows exactly when she wants to be born watch out for her! I'm thinking New Years day or Christmas." Lo and behold, Christmas Eve was the day Ainsley chose.

Ainsley has always had a LOUD voice, and let it be heard. The term "sassafrass" came to mind early on. She cried for most of the first six months of her life and while she mellowed considerably once she started being mobile (walking at 9 months) she is still a handful. Don't get me wrong, I would have it no other way. The hardest thing for me to come to terms with though is that I have SO LITTLE control over her temperament.

She is amazing and wonderful but she is who she is and she has been since birth. These mom's with these mellow happy babies claiming that their loving, breast fed only, minimally medicated ways are to thank DRIVE ME NUTS!!! I spent hours making Ainsley homemade organic baby food just to have her spit it out and throw it on the floor. I breast fed her solely for nearly 8 months until I was in tears about the decision to put her on formula because I just couldn't keep up with her needs. I use cloth diapers to be gentle on her cute bum. I stay at home with her all day singing her songs, reading her books, dancing and laughing. She is still a sassafrass. A wonderful, outspoken, zipping around the room exploring sassafrass. The fact that any parent would think that I am to blame for the fact that my child won't sit still for more than 2 seconds or screams when she's upset infuriates me. We all do our best and are given such a gift in each child. To think that you can choose who your child is going to be is absurd in my opinion. You take the wonderful gift that God has given you and you do with it the best that you can, hoping to instill morals, values, a sense of purpose and love in your child.

In short, I love my daughter and would change not one thing about her, but that doesn't mean that I don't hold out hope that God will choose for us next time a child a bit more "low-key"

Whew! That felt good.

And one more thing...PLEASE never tell a parent who's child's birthday is on or near a holiday "poor thing...they are going to have such a rough time". HELLO!!! Anyone who has ever had a baby knows that you have NO control over when your baby comes (if you're having a natural birth). If I hear one more time how awful it is for Ainsley to have her birthday on Christmas Eve I am going to either break down or flip out (same thing?) It is what it is and I can assure you that myself and my wonderful family and friends have and will continue to do everything we can to make her birthday as special as any other child's birthday.

Double Whew.

With that off my chest hopefully I can focus on packing, cleaning, and running last minute errands for Big Sky. I am SO excited to get out of Chicago for a week and breath in some fresh mountain air.