Back in the Saddle Again

After nearly two months of moving, renovating, decorating, shopping, wrapping, planning, travelling, and celebrating I finally feel ready, and excited to re-enter the "real world".

It's bizarre to think that my version of the real world keeps changing. In childhood it was my parents home, dance parties before bed and weekends playing with friends. In college it was a dorm room shared with friends and a glass of wine before bed. In marriage it's been numerous apartments, grocery shopping, trips to the farmers markets and resale shops. Living in a house, our home, now gives me a new constant that I haven't had in a very long time. It feels GOOD!

I LOVE our new house. More every morning when I wake up, more every time I come back from an errand, more with each new crack I find in the 85 year old plaster walls. True love.

The kitchen renovation is 95% complete thanks almost entirely to my amazingly talented Uncle, dad, and family members. It looks so great. I'll post some pictures once we get the backsplash up (the last 5%). I finally put paintings up and photos on ledges. Even though a few rooms will still get painted I couldn't wait any longer. It's really starting to come together.

Ainsley is as kantankerous as ever. She did amazingly well on our almost 2 week trip to MN for Christmas, her birthday, and baptism. It was quite the trip.

I cannot believe that my baby is one year old. I kept telling people that I finally realize why mom's have this urge to re-live the birth of their child at their birthdays. While it's of course their day it's yours too. I sat there on Christmas Eve (Ainsley's birthday) watching her smash cake in her face and rip open presents with a huge grin on her face remembering her birth one year ago. Not in the traumatic, pain ridden way. No, I remembered meeting my daughter for the first time. Watching her emerge in the tub and be swiftly and gently placed on my bare chest. The midwife counting her fingers and toes. Somehow moving to the bed and feeding her for the first time. Sleeping with her nestled between Ian and I in the queen sized bed. All of those months of anticipation, and weeks of worry on bedrest, culminating in these perfect moments. The moments that Ian and I truly became a family. It was just the most amazing time of my life.

Even when I've had the roughest day with Ainsley, those days when she will not nap, or eat, or sit down for 1 second, I miss her when she goes to sleep. I want to sneak upstairs and nudge her awake just to kiss her soft baby cheek one more time and hear her heartwarming laugh. I want Ian to turn on his crazy old timey music one more time and watch her bob up and down and sway side to side, dancing. I want to chase her around the dining room table listening to her squeal with delight as I almost catch her, but not quite. I want to watch her babble into the phone for hours on end talking to who knows about who knows what. I want to grab her and hold her for the 2 seconds that she'll let me before squirming away, only to run back up to me with her arms outstretched. She's growing up so fast.

I don't know that I will ever get over how definitive Ainsley's personality has been since birth. I truly feel that she is this whole little person just slowly unveiling her intentions and self as she sees fit. I have been blessed to be chosen to be here to watch her learn and grow and love her almost to death. I'm tearing up just thinking about my love and pride for that little girl.

Tomorrow when I'm not feeling so sentimental I'll tell you about how she ran around the library today screaming in happiness, taking books away from 2 year olds and grabbing their faces. Now that's my girl.