Home for Good

After a summer filled with trips to cabins and relatives, the local pool and L.A., fall is finally in the air. While sitting in the front room of our apartment for the second rainy day in a row I spotted the first fall leaf on the big tree in front of the house. It's cool enough at night to wear a sweater and leave the windows open and still be able to put the quilt on the bed. I love this time of year, perhaps more this year than ever.

To start, Ainsley did amazingly in L.A. for Adrian's wedding. I was so worried about this trip (not for the nuptials, the couple is wonderful) but for the 2 hour time change, 4 hour flights, and hotel room accommodations with an increasingly mobile and opinionated almost 8 month old. She slept for half of the flight there, immediately adjusted to the time allowing me to fully enjoy the rehearsal dinner and the wedding and reception the following evening. Even our hour long wait to check in at LAX didn't seem to phase her. The only real hitch occurred when both Ian and I had the great idea to pop some Dramamine on the plane and simultaneously conked out just as Ainsley was waking from her brief nap ready to be entertained. She even slept through the night our first night home and has been ever since. What a good girl.

I truly feel like Ainsley has turned a corner, and I have too. While Ainsley continues to astound me with her growth and development (standing on her own, squawks sounding more and more like words, crawling with speed and determination, becoming more and more independent every day) I have surprised myself by the changes in myself in the past month. I know I just wrote a whole post about how being a mom has changed me, but this has nothing to do with being a mom, no offense Ainsley, and everything to do with growing up just a little bit more.

To explain this I need to start at the beginning. Ian and I have always planned on moving back to Minnesota after he finishes grad school. We love it there. Our families are there, most of our college friends are there. It just made sense. Then this summer happened. Every time I went home I had a great time. I love Ian's family like they're my own and seeing my family was of course wonderful. But every time I came back I'd slip into this complete funk that would take me increasingly longer to get myself out of. I finally decided that I needed to figure out what was going on. And then it hit me, Oak Park has never felt like home. Whenever I left MN and came back to OP it felt like I was leaving home and coming to some place that merely resembled what I wanted for my life.

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things that I love about Oak Park. The old houses, cute neighborhood shops, amazing thrift stores, and environmentally conscious citizens. But I despise that store staples that I used to rely on are never stocked and significantly dingier than in MN or an hour drive away in Chicago traffic. Speak of the devil I CAN'T STAND THE TRAFFIC! and the crazy drivers. I miss Minnesota nice and bike paths and lakes that don't resemble dirty oceans.

But this all is beside the point because Oak Park is my home right now, this was my grand realization. This needs to be my home because mentally, I can't handle it not being so. In light of this and for many other reasons, Ian and I are starting to look for a house in Oak Park. It is absolutely terrifying and thrilling at the same time. I can't wait to paint walls the colors that I want, update a bathroom if it needs it and replace gross carpeting...ooh and the prospect of a dishwasher and disposal is just about more than I can handle.

Two months ago if you had asked me about moving here I would have laughed in your face and then had a panic attack, but now I can hardly wait. I am excited to make roots here for the next few years at least. Give Ian time to do the research that he needs without worrying about where we'll be next year or what we'll do if we have another baby (and NO I'm not pregnant). Once we have a house, we're here, and we can hopefully, finally, relax and enjoy our lives.

A lot of people my age are buying homes right now. I know we all say that it's because of the great market, low interest rates, and government incentive, and in truth it is a little. But I think it's more because it's time. It's been a few years since college, changing dorm rooms or apartments every year, then graduating and moving around as our jobs and salaries dictate. It's time to feel settled again. I crave stability. Knowing where we'll be next Christmas and Easter three years from now. Going to the library and feeling like it's yours. Knowing exactly where every item on your grocery list is as the store. I'm excited to finally have these things with Oak Park and so thankful and fortunate to be able to have them in a home all of our own.

I'll keep you posted on the house hunt.