The Good Stuff

I fee like so often I fixate on the hard stuff with Ainsley. Tonight I need to mention a little bit of good.

This evening I had to go to Target to return a bunch of stuff that I didn't end up needing for Julie's bachelorette party (rompers galore!). I opted to take Ainsley even thought she seemed a bit off after bathtime. We had an hour before bed and the kiddo LOVES the car and singing so we went.

I rolled down the windows. We blasted the oldies station and clapped at stoplights. Once at the store she picked out the cart and patiently waited our turn in the return line. While there we heard numerous little ones losing it. It was late-ish. Fast approaching tiny babes' bed time. While one tantruming tot was carted off by a frustrated dad Ainsley turned to me and calmly stated "she sad mama. The baby is tired. She needs her mama and a nap." Then we heard another baby crying inconsolably. "oh mama, so many tired babies." Then she turned back to the counter and we counted how many carts were lined up, how many people were working, what color they were wearing "red mama! I like red!"

After our quick exchange with the overworked employee we meandered a bit. I tried on EVERY brazierre I could find that I thought would help my post nursing physique. No dice. But Ainsley let me do it. She twirled in front of the mirror and commented on her favorite designs and colors in my selection. We talked about what we were going to do when we got home "read a book mama, umm, I think I want the train one, no the baby one, I like them all mama!", what our favorite parts of the day were "playing with my friend Emma mama, swinging in the swing...ohh, I rode my bike mama and get the pool passes!"

Then we came home. Played a bit longer per Ainsley's polite request. Read books whilst she nestled on my chest and snuggled while I sang songs. She calmly went down smiling and happy.

There are so many amazing things about my girl and as hard as she can be that hard stuff makes her great. We can talk and sit and laugh and have a real thing, just us two. I love it.

I'm a lucky mama.

Nail polish and talking and walking...Oh My!

It's been quite the re-entry week back here at the Vaagenes'. Getting home 2 hours later than expected from my three day weekend of fun and freedom set the tone for the days to come. Louise spiked a fever that night and while Ainsley was happy to see me she's been testing boundaries like CRAZY perhaps to re-establish things now that I'm home. To top it all off it rained ALL day yesterday adding stir crazy to the list of ailments we were all experiencing. Wowaz.

But today's been good. Louise woke up happy and fever free and Ainsley has been sweet and funny. She was SO excited to get some new sparkle nail polish at the store today so I indulged her craving for pizazz and painted away when we got home. She's been primping and preening around the house ever since.

I've been re-learning this whole baby on the verge of walking thing. Ainsley did everything on her own. There was no holding her hands or prompting her for steps (well there was the beer we'd tease her with at first I guess). With Louise it's been the exact opposite. Just shy of 6 months I thought "hey, she's big enough to try sitting up" so I sat her up and there she was. Crawling happened on her own but we've definitely had to encourage up on all fours. Now that she's "compelled" to move I tightened up Ainsley's old walker and she's starting to take tentative steps, even letting go and balancing for whole chunks of time then sitting deliberately when she's had enough. It's crazy! I love both of their stages.

Ainsley conitues to chatter away, ALL DAY LONG. She is so curious and resourceful. Now that her speech has fully caught up with her mobility I live in a constant state of survival mode. For example, yesterday while explaining to me "mama, it's pretty cold in here, I'm gonna turn the a/c on just a little bit" she dragged over a full sized wooden dining room chair and was proceeded to scale it to reach the thermostat. When that wasn't tall enough she balanced her little wooden chair on top of that! Same thing has happened in her bedroom. She now uses her dollhouse and doorknob to reach her main light switch so that she can "play a little more mama, Ainsley May not so sleepy yet" before bed and naptime. Short of taking everything out of her bedroom I'm not quite sure what to do. She always has a plan and a plan for her backup plans. I figure she's going to do it either way and at least we can find a semi-safe solution together. Goodness I need to get that child in gymnastics.

It's sunny out today and I'm hoping the backyard dries out enough so we can play this afternoon. I'm thankful for healthy girls and a clean house and sun! AND wishing Ian luck today with a big talk he's giving. Happy Thursday!

Enough to go around

Last night was THAT night. The night you dread and fear as a parent. One baby dreadfully sick, only consoled by a snug place on her mama's chest, the other jarred by the crashes and booms of the storm outside. The result was an empty queen sized bed and two very tired parents in the morning.

Even with the dark circles under my eyes I really can't complain. Last night was the first night of its kind since Louise was born. I count us lucky that we have good sleepers and rooms for us each for much needed alone time and rest.

On the flip side, it's nice to be needed by my girls. I kind of revel in the calm I can bring to them when they need it. I rarely feel more like a mom then when those instincts kick in to soothe a sick or scared babe. Somehow I just know to put them to my chest and find a quiet place to rock or sway. My fingers know to gently scratch and rub their back and blow slowly on their brows.

Somehow I went from a little girl needing my own mama in that way to a mama myself. It's easier to tap into patience and understanding when I remember that. While I do remember the occasional stern looks and frustrated tone of my own mother I mostly remember her steadfastness, the security and calm that she always brought. Even after I went through that whole learning-my-parents-are-real-people-too-thing she's still my go to for advice and console. I'm excited to be emerging as that person for my girls.

As for tending to the needs of two at once last night, thank goodness for a man who is their other rock. He may not have my "ploofy" chest (as we used to call my mom's) but he comforts in his own way. We have more than enough of what our girls need; love, patience, and comfort. For that I am so very thankful.

Ergo Baby

I got myself a present today, well yesterday, and thanks to free super fast shipping I got it today. It's and Ergo baby carrier. I'm in love.

::the new carrier in all its glory::

I've been eyeing this thing forever. Everyone in town has it. It gets rave reviews. It's adorable.

::she looks pretty comfy, eh?::

But of course we already had a baby carrier. 3 in fact. We were gifted one bjorn type infantino carrier when Ainsley was born and it worked fine for her for about 4 months and then it started hurting my back.
So then I got a hotsling, which I still LOVE and use all the time with Louise. The problem is Louise's size. She no longer fits in the cute front carry position and it's way too hot to stick that dumpling in an enclosed sling anyways.

::double duty::

THEN when Ainsley outgrew the sling I wanted to get a soft back pack carrier so we got an infantino one. While it's much cheaper than the ergo I now realize why. No matter how tight I tie the knots they're always coming loose in about 15 minutes and something about the design cuts off the circulation to poor Louise's legs in about the same amount of time. Bummer.

::some photos from this afternoon's impromptu shoot,

I just can't take enough of my girls::

So really there was a need for a new carrier right? While I love our double bob I of course still need a carrier for some quicker outings, like the park, getting things done around the house and other excursions.

So when I found an ergo on sale online with free shipping I jumped all over it and I only wish I'd gotten this carrier years ago.

::this is Louise's 'what the heck is Ainsley doing?' face,

so glad I got it on film::

It fits SO comfortable and both Louise and Ainsley immediately melted into it when I put them on. They were so comfortable and light. I LOVE IT!

It has a pocket to put things in while carrying a babe (keys and cell phone anyone?), and even a little hood that you can pull up and sercure if your dumpling falls asleep.

It is super easy to get on and off once you've adjusted the straps to fit you. I'm excited to try it out on an errand tomorrow.

So once again I've learned that sometimes it pays to get the good baby product right from the get go. If you add up all of the free and sale slings I've bought it far surpasses the $80 I spent on this one. Oh well.
We had a fun afternoon trying babies on in the new carrier and splashing in the backyard pool. I am getting pretty stoked for my three day weekend coming up and also a little bit sad about missing out on three days with my growing girls. Louise is doing something new everyday and Ainsley says something new everyday. Today it was "stop it mom, jeez!". Seriously, I have to learn how to NOT laugh when she's being saucy. It's too hilarious and catches me completely off guard.

Now that summer has officially started (the kids are out of school and musikgarten has ended, that's signs enough for me!) I'm so looking forward to a new easier routine. Mornings spent erranding and romping outdoors and parks. Afternoons in the pool either in our backyard or down the street. I've decided to enlist the help of some little mama's helpers to get the girls and me to the pool successfully. They love it too much not to take advantage!

::Ainsley was telling Louise "no hurt the flowas YaWeez"

and then proceeded to rip the petals right off::

::this child ate the whole pint, ah summer berries::

So the day was great, hot and full. Tomorrow they're predicting rain. I'm ok with that. Turning down (or off?) the a/c and hunkering down with my girls. I'll pack and prep for my first solo 3 day trip away from them. I'm excited and a bit apprehensive. They're my girls and it feels so odd to be apart from them. But I know I'll have a blast and come back loving them even more. Distance makes the heart grow fonder right? Well my heart's already bursting.

Happy hump day!

Tid Bits

The girls did really well in the car both to and from Minnesota. I think they've gotten used to us lugging them around in the car. When Ainsley got a little fussy in the last leg I gave her my best mom face and explained to her that we were all tired and all wanted to be out of the car and to please keep her cool. "Come on!" was her response. I had to turn away to keep her from seeing my smile.

::Ainsley and Ian getting ready to ride her first kiddie roller coaster

at the Eden Prairie Schooner days::

::then the cousins tried their hands at the cars and boats, a pretty huge success::

::Ian needed some cotton candy, Ainsley obliged::

Louise is walking! Well, on her walker of course. While in MN she started traversing objects slowly and just yesterday she started pushing her litte standing play center along while holding on so I got out Ainsley's old wooden walker. She moves! Slowly and carefully all the while beaming with pride.

::the one salvageable photo I got of our friends' wedding, amazing dress right?::

Last night the girls were cashed from our whirlwind weekend. Neither took their afternoon nap in the car and we got home JUST late enough that I was reluctant to put them down and mess up our bedtime routine (especially since I was on my own as Ian took Sonya to the Sox game). Ainsley lost it around 5 and try as I might I couldn't snap her out of it. So I gave in at 6, gave her a big kiss and closed the door to her room. 5 minutes later both girls were in bed and slept all through the night and them some. Ahh the joy of a good crash.

::enjoying Grammy and Pops swing::

Today I heard Ainsley wake from her nap and went up to get her as usual. I opened the door to find her curled up on her bed a BIG smile on her face and a "dude!". Where is she learning these exclamations!

::dinner at Bayside while in MN...a definite must especially

with all the extra hands for the girls and the AMAZING fish tacos::

::dessert at Adele's, we are never ever disappointed::

::of course we'd get the extra drippy cones, I was messier than Ainsley!::

To round out our first day back at home I made an impromptu decision to cut my own hair. I'm tired of paying too much for my low maintenance locks and feel bad asking my skilled sister to cut my hair EVERY time I'm home. Barring Ian's assessment of the evenness in the back, I think it turned out a-ok.

::new haircut! and a VERY antsy toddler girl::

We're beating the heat with the play pool in the backyard and our blissfully air conditioned house. Ainsley and I are off to make tacos for dinner while Louise naps for the THIRD time today!

Happy Monday

My New Best Friends

What a weekend. 20+ hours in the car, celebrating friends in matrimony, our fist sans children overnight date...amazing.

It's always simultaneously bizarre and wonderful to see old friends. I slip back into the person I used to be in college. Chatty and free, uninhibited and zealous. I find myself struggling for topics of conversation that don't include our girls, toddler antics or adorable baby milestones, but somehow it always comes back to me.

It's taken some getting used to. I want to be fully me, but today, that's mostly a mom, a little bit a wife and maybe 5% the person that my friends knew me as in college. It's nice to have a night to be reminded fully of who that was, but hard to reconcile that with the mama and wife I've become.

I find I often envy the lives of my non parent, even unwedded friends. Everything sounds so exciting, exotic even. Weekly dinner dates with friends? adorable wardrobes filled with the latest fashions? late nights filled with good food, drink and free spirited fun? yes please!

But I had my fun. I drank good beer and enjoyed conversation with good friends. Laughed and reminisced, even danced a bit. But at the end of the night I got to climb into the passenger seat with my husband at the wheel and drive off into the night together.

In college Ian and I had more of an old fashioned courtship when compared to the modern day claustrophobia that can be dating. We had occasional solo dates, met up for caf meals, studied (no really, studied) late into the night. We'd see movies together (if we could ever agree on one), run into each other at the town pub with our separate friends, and I'd of course spoil him with free coffee while at work. We did our things, just together. Slowly it turned into this amazing companionship. Then we got engaged and married 5 months later and moved 2 states away all by our lonesome. We set up our home, started a family and now here we are.

We often comment that we have no friends. I guess when compared to college we don't. We see our good Chicago friends occasionally and new parent friends even more seldomly. Half of the reason is definitely the girls and how tired we all are at the end of even the best of days, but the other is that we have each other. I'm living with my best friend. I get to snuggle with him every night and bicker with him most mornings and while I definitely miss the company of my raucous exuberant college buddies, I wouldn't change this existence for anything.

I love weddings, not only for witnessing commitment and love but for how it reminds me of the promise I've made to be here with this man that I love forever. It's kind of amazing.

I hope someday we have it all. Time and the means to go out with friends more often and feel like our "old selves" more frequently. But the truth is I'm pretty good with how things are right now. I sure do love all three of my best friends that just happen to live with me every day.

The Terrible Twos

I have so many lofty post ideas. I keep a little list of them going by my desk for when I really want to "dive" into something. Somehow everyday life keeps winning out. Perhaps it's these terrible twos.

I've been reluctant to write that phrase, use it in description of my 2 and a half year old daughter, but it's time.

I don't like it. I don't like that there is this whole LONG phase of Ainsley's life that is terrible. Her attitude, discipline, temperament, testing...it's all pretty terrible right now. It almost feels like a relief to finally admit that we're there, in the thick of this dreaded phase, somehow surviving and even managing to laugh every now and again.

Today is Wednesday, of course. Today we have musikgarten, a planned organized activity with other moms and tots. We do this every week and have for as long as Ainsley can remember. For some reason it's still an ordeal. On Wednesdays Ainsley wakes up early and cranky. She starts off right away on a very wrong foot. It's happened consistently enough now that I can say that it is so.

Why? Why on the ONE day a week that we have consistent FUN together with other people does Ainsley ruin it? She ruins my fun and hers. I'm just saying it out loud.

Today I tried prepping her more. We practiced her running to me when I called her (like when I call her from across the park or the musikgarten studio). "Ainsley come to mama!" and she ran like nobody's business, beaming and smiling "I'm comin mama!" She'd leap into my arms and I'd praise her for her compliance. "Just like that Ainsley girl, you are such a good listener!" "Again again!" she'd squeal.

Of course when it came down to it, she didn't listen when she should have. She still ran amok during class and chewed on her soft bunny toy when she should have been cuddling him and singing. At the park she threw sand on her friends' heads and in one little boy's eyes. My mama friends thought nothing of it. They know Ainsley and her cantankerous ways. They get that in their own ways our kids are all in those "terrible" twos. I am thankful for their camaraderie and empathy.

But the mom of the little 3 year old boy? She was appalled. Gasping in shock at the horror of the sand throw. Ainsley apologized, I told her how sorry I was, that we're working on learning how to behave at the park. She brushed off our apologies and tended to her eye rubbing son, clearly disgusted with me and Ainsley.

It threw me off. Hey, her kid was two last year right? He was learning at some point too right? How are there these people, no PARENTS, who don't remember this delightful and trying stage of life? I guess I hope I too someday may forget (or forget about that third kid Ian!) but even so. It's bad enough having to go through this with her without another parent looking down of my for it.

And just to further the rant...

Ainsley may be a little rough around the edges right now but she is still a sweet sensitive charismatic and creative little lady. I hate that her occasional pokes and bites and tantrums overshadow her more endearing characteristics, for me sometimes as well as others. I feel on her defense often, especially with doe eyed new parents who can't imagine that their baby will ever be a terrible two year old, or a wise old owl of a parent thinking their child was NEVER like this. Let me tell you something, your child WILL and DID go through the terrible twos. For all of our sanity please don't forget that.

Today I am so thankful for my mama friends who understand, my own mama for consoling me, my sweet Louise who FINALLY took an afternoon nap after a mere 2 hours of playing to wear her out and cuddling, and especially for my Ainsley May, even in all of her terrible two glory, I love her more than I can say.

To update: The day ended with playful splash time in the pool in the backyard, sweet snuggles and smiles and a very entertaining trip to Costco with Auntie Sonya. On the way to pick Sonya up Ainsley told me that "You're a pretty lady mama" and I completely forgot the whole terrible two thing, at least for the night.

Some photos from today:

::morning apple snack::

::helping fill up her pool, LUSH peony bush in the background::

::she loves her chair::