Auntie Weekend

What a great weekend. Julie and Jenny came in from Minnesota for the weekend. We all had a blast. Ainsley is in love with her aunts, and Grammy too of course. Here are some snippets from the weekend.

Ainsley's new favorite game, learning letters on starfall.com. Her favorite letter is "e".

Getting her big toes painted by Aunt Julie. She also loves helping Grammy put on makeup in the morning, and a little eyeshadow on herself.

Sooo happy about pb&j

34 Weeks

YAY! The big milestone has been made. While we of course would prefer her to be born full term, babies born after 34 weeks tend to do as well as full term babies in the long term and since I got the steroid shots her chances of having any sort of breathing problems are that much smaller. What a tremendous relief.

I also had a great check up today. I saw Amy, my favorite of the 3 midwives, who lifted my spirits as always. Not only did I learn that she is a fellow Ole alum (um ya ya!) but she was very optimistic and upbeat about the baby. Having made it to 34 weeks I get to give birth at West Suburban which is the local hospital a mere mile away instead of the scary big downtown hospital. A midwife will deliver the baby, instead of whichever OB is on staff at the said big scary hospital. When listening to the heartbeat Amy felt the baby for size and apparently she's "not scrawny". She estimated that she's right around 5 pounds which is great news as this is the benchmark for most babies to leave the hospital. I am just so relieved I cannot even express it.

Of course now after being up so much this morning and with all of the excitement I'm definitely feeling it. My back is killing me and my stomach muscles are not happy. Lying down all the time hasn't made them work like they should and they're straining to hold up my big belly when I'm walking around. Still, I'm thankful to get to feel all of this discomfort because it means the baby is growing well and getting big and strong!

To top it all off two of my sisters are in town for the weekend (we miss you Kelly!). It's great to have so many babysitters for Ainsley (I think she's forgotten that I'm even here) and distractions for me. AND as a final testament to how amazing my sisters , Julie stopped by Molly's cupcakes (I saw them featured on a cupcake show on TLC) downtown on her way back from a friend's house and brought 6 amazing delicious cupcakes. I can't wait for dessert!

Only 3 more weeks until full term!

The "normal" stuff

Things have continued to look up over the past few days. While I'm getting progressively larger, thus more sore and uncomfortable, contractions have subsided significantly and the ones I do have are very mild and sporadic. I've been able to sleep pretty well, impressive as all I'm doing is laying around all day, and my appetite is definitely back (so much so that I'm a bit nervous to get on the scale on Friday...whoops!)

As the days, and now weeks, go on I find myself returning to a more "normal" state of mind about this pregnancy, including all of the normal worries, excitements, and joys.

I'm going to be giving birth again soon...WHAT?! I've come to the realization that the bliss of the first baby is not knowing what you're getting yourself into. I know this time and I must admit it's making me a bit nervous. At the same time I know what comes after all that pain and it is the most glorious, wonderful experience in the world, meeting your child for the first time. I can't wait.

I also can't wait to nurse again, even if it means waking up to a soaked through shirt some nights, an aching chest and frequent wake up calls in the night (for as sassafras-tic as Ainsley is she's a champ sleeper and Ian and I have gotten used to a full nights sleep). I miss that special time that I had with Ainsley, just the two of us, snuggling close. I can't wait.

I've started to really envision our family of three becoming a family of four. One more body in bed in the morning, as Ainsley's taken to snuggling again just after she just wakes up. A new personality around this house, I can't wait to see who this little girl is going to be.

I'm excited to see Ainsley as a big sister and Ian as a new dad all over again. I will never forget the look on his face when Ainsley came into this world. I've never loved him more.

I've also been trying to really soak in these past few weeks with Ainsley. It's excruciating anyways not being able to pick her up or snuggle much, but knowing that these are the last weeks of just her as our baby make it that much more difficult. Her world is going to change in a few weeks and there's no way I can explain to her that we still love her as much as always and she'll always be our baby. I think she's going to be great. She is becoming such a big girl and I love watching her grow.

Family has always been the most important thing to Ian and I and I can't believe sometimes that we have been blessed with one beautiful daughter and are about to welcome another. It is truly amazing.

33 Weeks

3 FULL weeks since the news, 3 FULL weeks on bedrest, I'm actually surprised at how fast it's gone by.

The first week was a blur. Doctors visits, an ultrasound downtown, 4 trips to the hospital for steroid shots and countless hours of anxiety and near panic wore me down. I actually lost a few pounds that week.

After the initial shock wore off things calmed down. I started to slowly get into a routine and learned how to keep my mind occupied with thoughts other than "the baby's going to be born premature" and "I'm completely traumatized".

Ainsley has been amazing through this all. She is at that age where she learns something new everyday and even in the 3 weeks since this all went down she has grown so much. She is still very into telling elaborate "stories" complete with hand gestures, usually about the "pool" and "outside". She loves mimicking the sprayers that she runs through and the splashes that she makes. She asks vehemently for her "fff-fire" (pacifier) and "nahnah" (blankie) and has recently become fascinated with the whole going to the bathroom in the toilet thing. Once the baby is here and I can be mobile again we may just have to start potty training. I get lots of kisses and snuggles and it's been so fun to watch her grow from a different vantage point.

Of course everything on bedrest isn't peaches and roses. My body HURTS. It's hard to find a comfortable position to lay in and moving around at all is painful. I can tell that my lower ab muscles are completely shot as when I do get up to walk around I typically have to hold my belly from underneath to avoid feeling like the baby is going to fall out of me. I'm still having a fair amount of rather painless contractions. I actually had a scare Thursday when they started right when I got up at 6am and continued ALL day at anywhere from 4-9 minutes apart. Luckily I was able to relax enough after a bath to take a little nap, which I was told by the midwives is a sure sign that it was false and not real labor. All the same it was scary after almost 2 weeks of feeling great.

Even though I am 33 weeks, I've had the steroid shots, and the baby is around 4.5 lbs I am still terrified of her coming early. Each day I get more and more confident that we will at least make it to a point where she is big enough to be born at the local hospital (not downtown), that I will get to hold her right away and feed her on my own. One more week until that, hopeful, milestone!

I still am in awe that we've made it this long. When everyone's telling you to prepare for a premature birth and baby it's hard to have a lot of hope but we've made it this far, only 4 weeks until full term! Good thing I finally ordered all of that yarn to keep at least my hands busy.

Things Loved in July

I skipped June because while I had started the post I just never got around to fine tuning and it ended up being a bunch of food related things anyways (surprise surprise?)

1.Squish Pillows

My mom got me a small one (see below) that I use ALL the time to prop my belly up when I'm lying down ALL the time and it's amazing. I was a bit worried at first when Ainsley was acting a tidge territorial of it, she was after all the one who bought it with Grammy at Bed Bath and Beyond on one of their many outings. She quickly learned that it was not in fact hers and I've been enjoying it ever since. My dad brought a second one from Minnesota (sorry Julie, I believe it was "borrowed" from your room) that's longer like a body pillow and amazing for sleeping at night.

2. DVR

I seriously can't imagine my current bed rest life without it. I watch mostly TLC (the overdose of wedding related shows gave me a weird dream the other night about Ian's and my wedding prompting me to cut back) the Travel Channel (oh how I love Samantha Brown) and the Food Network (Ina Garten and Giada make me salivate over dishes I won't get to try out for months). I've also started utilizing OnDemand to catch up on back episodes of shows like Top Chef and other Bravo shows I'd rather not admit to getting hooked on. Hey I'm on bedrest! You can't judge.

3. Sims3

While I still haven't mastered gameplay I've spent many hours, yes hours, creating Sims and homes and have rekindled my love for this game (thanks Kelly again for the amazing expansion packs). My only real issue is finding a comfortable way to play on the computer for long periods of time while lying down. Tricky tricky.

4. Kleen Kanteen

Attempting to stay uber hydrated and keep Ainsley out of trouble with a huge full water glass lying around has proved interesting. We've had more than a few spills as she's obsessed with drinking "by aself" from my, or anyone's, cup. I bought this a few months back and have loved it ever since. When Ainsley and I used to get out together (it feels like ages ago) I needed only bring this one water bottle instead of one for me and her as she could drink out of it with ease without making a huge mess. Now I just keep it filled and on the coffee table so if she does attempt to drink it or in my late pregnancy clumsiness I knock it over it's no big deal. Oh, AND I can actually drink from it while lying down, another big plus.

5. Peaches!

As I've been laying down all day eating is one of my new main hobbies and let me tell you it's HARD to be good, especially when a certain mother satiates a major chocolate craving by buying the HUGE bag of fun sized chocolate candy from Costco (thanks mom!). It's been equally hard to miss out on the farmers markets these past few weeks to oggle over the fresh produce. Thankfully my mom has kept our food supply in no short supply of amazing fresh fruit and I've been eating a TON. I've had my first few perfect peaches of the season, amazing blueberries and raspberries, cantaloupe and cherries. At least I'll be up and about for apple season!

6. My Mom

This month warrants an extra "thing loved". More than once Ian and I have looked at each other and said "how could we do this without her?" This being me lying on the couch, Ian still being able to go to work and Ainsley being kept occupied and happy. Simple, we couldn't. Even if Ian could take a leave of absence from work life would be vastly different and much more stressful without my mom here. She is Ainsley's new best friend, she cooks every night and keeps the house put together. Just having her here has given us both such piece of mind. Thanks mom!

One Day At A Time

One of the biggest challenges of my life thus far has been to take things one day at a time. My mom, and now Ian can vouch for the fact that I am a person CONSTANTLY looking forward to the next thing. In Winter I can't wait for that trip to Florida and spring flowers and rain, in Spring I itch for the farmers market to be in full blast and for a week at the lake, in Summer I long for Fall and the baking, apples and crisp sweater weather, in Fall I start to anticipate the holidays and making snowmen. Perhaps this is just how I am wired but I have a really hard time focusing on the present and the gifts of today.

Perhaps it's not such a bad thing to look forward. In situations like I am now it helps to fast forward 3 months in my head and envision me holding our healthy baby girl (no matter how she ends up entering the world). When the present is not ideal it is calming to look forward and know that everything will turn out right in the end.

However for my day to day sanity and survival I NEED to focus on today. Today is just one more day to lay on this couch and be as calm and productive as I can in that respect. I can't look forward one week (next Drs appt) or two (34 weeks!) or 5 (full term!) because most of the time that seems SO far away. It's depressing. But today I can do.

Today I am going to sew the pieces of the baby's matinee jacket together. I am going to keep plugging away at the baby blanket. I am going to finally commit to some yarn for new Christmas stockings for the girls (I found a much more size/time appropriate pattern...Ainsley's will have to become a wall hanging or something) and a fall sweater for Ainsley. I am going to snuggle with my little girl, if she'll let me, watch some Friday Night Lights with my mom (oh so good even the second time around) and perhaps even get a start on filling out the baby book that arrived in the mail a few days ago. I am going to watch Ainsley's face light up when Ian suggests going to the pool this afternoon. I am going to beam watching what a good dad he is and what an amazing woman my mom is as they take care of everything around this house.

Even though I'm not where I thought I would be had you asked me a few months ago, I am so blessed to have today, just as it is.

Unrelated but fun nonetheless.

32 weeks

My mom took Ainsley to go see her parents (my grandparents, Ainsley's great grandparents) up in Winnetka this morning. She called when they got there and they're having a blast playing and should be back by lunchtime. I've spent the morning continuing to work on some knitting and reminiscing.

As the birth of this baby grows closer and closer I am getting very nostalgic for the early days/weeks/months with Ainsley. I am conveniently overlooking all of the spit up, blown out diapers, sore nipples, long/late nights, and crying spells to focus on all of the wonderful sweet moments.

Part of my anxiety about the possible early delivery of baby #2 has been missing out on those first critical moments that I had with Ainsley. Being able to hold her on my bare chest just after she was born and then feed her for the first time, wrap her in a snug blanket and sleep with her all night, staring into her eyes, holding her tiny hands, playing with her feet and kissing her sweet cheeks. I feel now like I took it all for granted the first time around.

Ian finally put all of the photos he's taken from his iPhone onto my computer and I have had such a blast looking through them. He got his iPhone for his birthday last year which means there are a ton of photos that I've never seen all the way back from when Ainsley was 6 months old. I've already forgotten how little she was, how sweet and pudgy her arms looked, how big and brown her eyes looked with NO hair on her head. Every time I look at her now I am struck by how big she is getting. It is truly amazing how quickly she is growing up.

I wonder what this baby will look like. Ainsley seems to be a pretty good mix of both Ian and I. Will she get Ian's eyes and my darker coloring? Will she be a bit more "substantial" (like her mom :o) or slight like Ainsley? Ian and I would like to think that she is going to be a tank and in a few years will overtake Ainsley, although with her temperament I don't know that size would phase her much anyways.

I think Ainsley is going to be a great big sister. She is so nurturing with other babies and LOVES to be a big girl helper with me, and now Grammy. She has regressed a little bit just in the past few days to wanting, no NEEDING her nana (blankie) and pacifier a lot and has been a lot more fussy and cuddly. Again, she knows that something is different and truthfully I'm glad for the heads up for her. I can't imagine how this all would have worked had we just disappeared in the middle of the night and shown up the next day with a brand new baby. It's a blessing that she doesn't really understand, and a burden all at the same time.

My sister asked me to post some videos of Ainsley and while I don't have any REALLY recent ones, here are a few that Ian put on my computer this morning.

I don't think it worked. I'll trouble shoot with Ian when he gets home.