For some reason writing has become hard for me. I have these children who are growing and it feels odd to write our stories here, suddenly. We are two years into our Minnesota lives and it still doesn't feel quite settled. I didn't expect that, but here we are.
I worked really hard at our lives in Oak Park. It took so long for it to feel like home. I assumed moving here it would feel like home instantly because it used to be! We live less than a half mile from my childhood home. Sometimes I run by that big blue house just to catch a glimpse. The treehouse that my dad built is still in the backyard, the swing set too. The three crab apple trees that we used to climb line the driveway. My big sister used to make up clim them and play "reading club" which was us reading until she told us to stop. Haha Kelly!
Now, our house is literally perfect. We've been here two years and have hardly changed anything. I've painted the kids bathroom. I've hung lots of pictures and art. Ian got some old great maps at work that we want to wallpaper the front hall with. I built a treehouse out back this summer. The veggie garden is two years running now. 4 lilac trees bloom every summer. 4 maples wait to be tapped each spring. The sauna runs hot when we need it to. The fireplaces warm us in the winter.
Home is a concept I've always pondered. For my senior art project in college I did pieces about home. What makes a home, among other questions, are still with me today.
I am such a homebody that these thoughts matter greatly to me. I know so many people who can drop their bags wherever they land and be perfectly happy (at least on the surface). They can jump into friendships and new jobs easily. None of that feels easy for me.
I'm working at being ok with that right now. That being the part of me that is uneasy with change, who so needs my home and my family and right now that leaves little space for much else. We can't do it all right? Where we are at has to be Good Enough most times. Why is that so hard?
Right now my good enough is mostly wife and mom. I am not an amazing mom all the time, but I am good enough. I am actually pretty bad at remembering all the things I need to in a day for my children. I forget permission slips and to sign that dang assignment book every day and to log each minute of reading and math work and even Felix's preschool open house and to cut his ridiculously long toenails before he rips them off himself causing a giant ouch on his big toe. Sigh.
But! I make them lunches, sometimes I even write them notes inside. I make dinner. I hug them. I do their laundry and pick up a bit for them (sometimes!) I love them so much and genuinely enjoy finding new books for us to read together, playing games, making fires, doing crafts and art. We spend a lot of time together. That's good enough for me.
